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Sink Or Swim.

December 11, 2007

I don’t know if this is a quarter life crisis or whatever, though I am deeply hoping that this is not.  But then, I don’t have a single idea of what quarter life crisis is like, so I guess I don’t even have to hope in the first place.

I’m starting to feel upset, depressed, sad, melancholic (or any other similar adjectives that you can insert here) about me being a bum.  Don’t get me wrong, I do not hate my life.  I just feel a little unhappy because after almost two months of wallowing in my limbo, I still don’t know what field I want and should get into for my next job.  I feel like I am at my wits’ end on this when I shouldn’t be, because this is me and I must be the most knowledgeable person about my wants, my life!  It could be the start of my long-term career and I am still unsure of what path to take.  I’m so afraid to land again on some job that won’t fit me. 

This is no easy phase for me;  being at sea, not knowing when I’ll be off it.  Good thing I had swimming lessons when I was eight.  Still can manage to float until some things in me  are better.

=(

Posted by betamax at 10:50 pm | permalink | Add comment

Betamax

has XX chromosomes, struggles through quarter life crisis, and has preposterous superpower of transforming oxygen to carbon dioxide. 

 

          

 

 

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A few years ago I was living in the top floor of an apartment building in city on the west coast of the U.S.. I would sleep with the door to the balcony open every night.

One night I awoke with a start at a vibration in the room. The bed began shaking violently, causing me to leap from it nude, in fear and confusion. I felt as if something must have been hiding under the bed, so I kicked at it and demanded it come out and show it self.

Then out of the corner of my eye I saw a small cylinder of metal, not larger than the joint of a finger, and it was resting just inside the open door leading to the balcony. My vision seemed to zoom in on it, and everything else in the room became almost too bright to look at. The cylinder seemed to fill my field of view with out actually growing in size.

I felt the need to call out, but my voice seized in my throat. My blood seem to stop in its veins. My body froze. Paralyzed. I was held by force unseen, and it lifted my body from the hardwood floor and into the air. In my mind I fought with all my might to move and break the invisible vice. I could not break it, and it rotated my body so I was now levitating diagonally.

My thoughts ran together in a mess, nothing was coherent but it was all at once. I felt my sentience being drawn out of me, sucked into the night air out side beyond the balcony. I began to black out, my vision fading, a blackness crawling from the corners of my eyes into every I could see. The hold over my body ceased, and I could feel my self rushing back towards the floor, though my thoughts didn’t match up with my body, the lagged behind with my slowly blackening vision. I remember thinking that if I couldn’t call out I would probably injure my head in the fall and bleed to death before help arrived.

Then I blacked out before I could realize I hit the floor.

I woke up as usual in bed in the morning.

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http://BETAMAX.i.p h

The blog entries written in this site are not about my life, but how I see life. This site tackles about the epiphanies that spontaneously sting me in the course of days, in my earthly existence.

Warning: Some contents may cause wonder, may provoke loathing, and may simply convey unintelligible idea.

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